I am collapsing under the weight of the December calendar. It’s been a lot, and most, if not all, has been self induced. So while I appreciate, respect, and deeply love the chance for connection, celebration, and showing up for the people I care about, I’m also realizing I can’t pour from an empty cup. I need a minute to slow down, breathe, and recalibrate.
This has meant doing two things: saying no and asking for help. Neither comes naturally to me, and I know I’m not the only one who struggles with both. And in exercising the right of refusal and finally asking for assistance, I’ve noticed something important:
December is truly a test of all my patience, spiritual, maternal, academic, and otherwise.
Between grading finals, volunteering, celebrating my beloved’s birthday, and signing up for holiday events I had no business adding to my calendar, I’m running purely on caffeine, obligation, and vague goodwill. I’ve wrapped more presents than I’ve slept hours. I’ve said “Sure, I can do that” approximately seven too many times. And I’m pretty sure at one point I cried because the tape dispenser betrayed me.
So if you see me wandering around looking dazed, clutching a to do list, or staring into the middle distance like I’m questioning all my life choices, just know I’m doing my best. And maybe, just maybe, learning that saying no and asking for help is its own kind of holiday magic.
The Forty Files 