The Forty Files

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a storyteller. I have spent most of my adult life writing about people and things, but I never felt totally fulfilled or focused. This part of my journey shouldn’t be counted as negative or unproductive. I think some of us need to get stuck in the mud and stay there for awhile. It’s here where some of our deepest thinking and feeling happens, which is why I don’t bemoan not achieving self set markers of achievement. There’s merit in the mud.

However, it’s time to get unstuck.

A few nights ago I told my husband I felt unsuccessful. There’s no one concrete reason for me thinking like this, which by the way, I think is very relatable. Most of us have struggled at some point throughout our lives, and many of us need to own it accordingly.

I think motherhood and the fear of failure has intimidated me from chasing the audacious and wild depth of my dreams. The thing about motherhood is that it can be so all consuming and easily soak up one’s sense of self. Much of of my time, energy, and love is wrapped up into little humans who have big needs. I signed up for the role and I have zero regrets. However, I do think I need to do a better job of prioritizing my passions and procuring whatever forms of self-care make me a better woman and writer. I need my girls to understand that dreams require sacrifice and hard work, which also means giving myself permission to persist without guilt or worry. Obviously, this is so much easier said than done, but it’s a necessity in order for me to go for the gold. So what’s the gold in this scenario? To begin, to be fearless. I have wanted to be fearless my entire life.

I mostly want to “feel” forty in a way that is positive and healthy. Far too often we discuss age negatively and with great sentimental emphasis on yesteryear. I am thankful for every past experience and opportunity. However, I am looking forward to the rest of my life. Aging doesn’t have to be depressing or overwhelmingly challenging. Aging well isn’t solely based on physical appearance. Aging well is still daring to dream, inviting new people and places into life, and fostering a sense of self that contributes to the world in whatever way we deem worthy and best.

I have a list of things I’d like to do before I’m forty. LET’S BE CLEAR THAT THIS ISN’T A BUCKET LIST. Everything on this list holds value and for the purpose of deadlines, forty feels appropriate and aligned with my direction.

I present to you the beginning of The Forty File. There’s a new multimedia thing happening here, and I’m going from blog to brand soon. There are 261 days until my birthday, which means it’s time to get moving the body and shaking the soul. This list will grow and evolve.

1. Fishing for Fika is destined for more social media. Stay tuned.
2. Hyperlocal is life. I live in Madison, NJ and I’m about to feature the best spots for coffee and kindness in my town, surrounding towns, and state.
3. Stories are central. Hopefully, there’ll be plenty of places where I’m wearing my vulnerability via my words.
4. Journaling the Journey.
5. ALL THE FITNESS.
6. 10 minute talks. Relaunching soon via Instagram and with some fun guests. I’ve got dream ten minute talks on the docket.
7. Their stories. I used to think it’s weird that I think about life and death so often, but I realize the best stories are found in understanding the brevity of life and through the characters who left us physically but remain very much with us in every element of life. Honoring my health and life via their stories is deeply important to me. I’ll be fulfilling my dreams and working on helping shed light and love with someone else’s life story.
8. Beyond Buffalo. I’ve always wanted to document the pride that goes beyond the city limits of Buffalo, NY, my beloved hometown. I can’t wait to work on finding Buffalonians all over the globe and hearing the best of their connections to the Queen City near or far.
9. The Art of Rest. I’m taking one day a week to master the art of rest unapologetically. May we all learn to prioritize our peace, especially as we emerge in a new and more hopeful phase of this pandemic.

This is The Forty File. It’s bold, ambitious, scary, and my whole heart on paper. Here I go. Come with me on this adventure.

XO